Then we grow up and realize without a sugar daddy, you're not going to hit up that college you want. And at least according to my high school, you needed to decide what you wanted to do with your life by the time you were sixteen so you can pick the proper college and apply by your junior year.
I have been doing the responsible thing for as long as I can remember. Working 30 hour weeks in high school while taking college courses to cut my tuition bills, all while attempting to be involved enough to look good on a college application for a respectable career track.
I hated every fucking minute of it. Hated school. Hated my major. Hated the bills and the long hours. Thank goodness I met my husband during those years or it really would have been a pointless waste of money. (I tell him often how expensive he is.)
I got caught up in it. In what I was supposed to do. And I did that for a long time.
And you know what? I was wrong.
Because while I was learning accounting, and marketing, and management in my classes, I wasn't being taught how to dream.
I did everything I was supposed to do in life, and I did it all the "right" way.
I have a wonderful family now, that I wouldn't trade for the world, but I am so grounded in reality and the day-to-day survival of that family, that I don't even know what to wish for anymore. Pounded into my head was the idea that I needed to work out the numbers. That I had to be practical. And while I'm good at my job, and I make decent money for what I do, I routinely have fantasies about turning into Milton and demanding my stapler back. (If you don't get that reference watch "Office Space", ya heathen.)
"What do I want?"
I have no freaking idea. When I first started writing, I wanted to sell a book to a publisher. If I did that, I thought, I've succeeded. Well...I did that. Ummm...now what?
Because my "dreams" were always based in reality, based in the achievable, I've started hitting some serious walls. My logical brain is putting the brakes on everything, and while it's laying out realistic goals, it's not letting me think of possibilities beyond my corner of the world.
I'm practicing letting my dreams and ideas play out in a physical way, so I thought I'd share them with you guys. I have a feeling it may take a while to teach this old dog some new tricks. But here's what I've come up with so far.
GOALS FOR (the rest of) 2017
1. Re-publish my old Samhain titles myself (I have shopped these a couple places, but they weren't a great fit. On the bright side, I know some fantastic cover artists, and they have some wonderful ideas.)
2. Publish one new book in an existing series (I've got a couple ideas, and a draft in place, I just need to get edits rolling.)
5. Build an office. (I have no office space currently, and while I've been a strong proponent of working anywhere and everywhere, I've come to the conclusion, if I'm going to succeed in this whole dreaming big thing, I need my own space to do it in. Aside from my favorite table at Panera, that is.)
I'm doing some reading, and falling back in love with the romance genre right now. But I'm also realizing I can do more than I give myself credit for. I'm realizing it's okay to set my goals higher than logically possible. I'm realizing it's okay to dream.